These few days.. I just end up in tears suddenly.
I don't know why.
I really don't.
Maybe I'm going crazy. Maybe I already am.
I don't have a goal in life anymore.
No more BioMed.
No more MassComm.
No more Ngee Ann.
No more prestigious journalist job.
No more wannabe scientist.
No more future.
Why I think so? Because there's nothing for me to achieve it. I can't get my chem up, nor my maths.. and my English is SHIT compared to the big dogs out there. What can I do? Just sit here, read.. and waste my rotting life away lor.
Jerrold says I'm going to suffer from depression if this keeps up.
Others say I'm not normal and I'm not my "usual, optimistic and smiley self".
I would actually say it is me, but none of you would believe it anyway. Why should I bother to put up with a mask, fake and filled with lies just to make everyone else smile? Not like my sorrow is going to affect anyone. If my cheery-days haven't made any significant impact to anyone, I wouldn't think my smile would.
But I feel that pain in my chest, in my head.. everytime I think. Regardless of happy or sad thoughts.. it just hurts. The more I think, the more it hurts. The more it hurts.. the more the tears.
All of them told me to find a reason.
Like I always did.
Like I always have.
".. and like you always will. =)"
I'm trying, I'm trying..
... but what if I can't find it. What if I don't. What if.. I really really don't know and never ever realise? What then? All these questions ring out.. but no answers are waving in my face anymore. The light has completely vanished from my world. I want to try.. but everything's fading.
My studies. I'm really not what you all think I might be.
My family. She lied to me.
My
life... is practically ruined.
I no longer carry emotion.
I no longer see a need to feed myself.
I no longer see a reason.
I tried to think of one.. but they just cancelled themselves out of my mind.
Everyday is monotonous. I wake, I study, I sleep. Wake, school, sleep. That's all.
What more is there to live for.
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 9:28 pm
herself:
gloria sinclair chua;
nineteen;
08121988;
saggitarius;
dragon;
singaporean;
a photographer wannabe,
an aspiring hairstylist,
and a hopeless apparel designer.
would die for:
a score of 20 and below.
some form of world peace.
the Japanese language.
a Japanese dictionary.
learning guitar/piano/drums.
an mp3.
new earpieces.
a synthesizer/keyboard.
a Gibson Thunderbird IV bass. <3
an LCD monitor.
a laptop.
an art tablet.
a New Urban Male bag.
a nice jacket/sweater.
BMW X-5 SERIES!!@~!@~!!
a new pencilbox.
her own skateboard.
Wacom Graphire 3.
a small wooden manequinn.
new spectacles.
a pair of twin kodachi.
a trip to Florida.
a new house.
a refurbished room.
a walk-in wardrobe.
infinite haircuts.
red hair.
purple hair.
blue hair.
gold highlights.
red highlights.
white highlights.
coloured hair extensions.(OMGSOLIAN)
a new watch.
loathes:
coffee
bullies
gore
green
bad hair days
Adidas
vegetables
heights
snooty asswipes
tone-deaf "singers"
ingrates
flying critters
storms ._.
the dark
silence
liars
alter-ego o_O
attention seekers
people that give it to them
ultimatums
loves:
angmohs oho!
family
friends
SHOPPING
picking on bullies :D
literature
this and this and this and this
art
anime
music
musicians
ROCCKKK
surprises
lightsticks! <3
gaming~
the beach
KoF~
Ben & Jerry's
keeping promises
challenges
aishah.
aliman.
bryan.
cassie.
cheryl.
daisy.
edmundooi.
eunice.
farhanah.
jiemin.
jerry.
josline.
kaitou!
kelly.
moonkian.
noel.
renny.
ron.
rona ♥
shosho.
tiffany.
travis.
koyo.
valerie!
weixiang.
william.
yanliang.
yaozhong.
yin ♥
- GazetteShop.
- NihilistGiraffe.
- DeviantART.
- Fark.com.
- lyrics.
- megatokyo.
- orisinal.
- endofworld.
- theresheis!
- theresheis!II
Blogger.
Photoshop.
Imageshack.
Google.com
Stock.
Stock #2.
Recently
way back then:
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
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November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
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