Wednesday, March 30, 2005

I officially hate someone. I have never really experienced hate, only childish mockery of some people and my reluctance to socialise.. but now I know what it is to purely loathe someone. I will therefore, from today onwards.. spite back at you. No matter what, you're going DOWN. I am going to remember every single thing you do, and make you look utterly stupid. In the end, you'll be left with nothing, as what you planned for me. I'll turn the tables, and leave you cornered. Don't worry, I kill with one clean shot. =) I've been thinking about it, and I realised I've been too lenient. If you're playing a hating game, two can play at that. There's only going to be one winner of it though; and I'm not letting you gain it that easy. Try as you might, but if you end up FAILING, sissyskirts, I'm going to bring you down lower than you already are going to be at.

T'was what evil would purely regret,
T'is what retribution he'd surely get.

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 3:24 pm

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Yay, Jiamin's finally back! *hugs* Sorry I wasn't able to take care of you that much.. Sigh. But really, need anything, just ask kay? =p

New skin done. Yup, that's the iPod Shuffle commercial's song, 'Jerk it out' by Caesar's Palace. I know the song doesn't match the whole theme.. but hey, just make my day and let me have the song up for a while okay? XD I'll change it to some lovey-dovey one soon. Unless someone wants 'Butterfly kisses' by Bob Carlisle badly? Lol.

Well, I actually watched Spongebob the Movie. =O
It was spiff-tacular fun! XD (just remind me never to sit in front/behind/beside indian people. *tsktsk*)

Well, off to do my CME. Someone help me on Chem, Hist, SS, and Maths T_T!!

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 5:30 pm

Monday, March 28, 2005

So once again, I got magligned for being a "top scorer" and a total clutz in SS lesson. Well, WHAT. THE. HECK. You think I don't want to drop the freaking subject? I already only have 6 subs, that's what. I wouldn't want to suffer in your tormenting drones about "how intelligent I am" and how I "don't deserve to be here to waste your time". My English? Good? By HELL, I don't know how they graded my standard but as far as I know, I am NOTHING compared to the many others that could slap me down with ease. I so WISH I had good English to give myself a name with. You think I wanted to get near that 'Top 5' shit? I know I don't deserve that. YOU THINK I ACTUALLY ENJOY IT?! I don't CARE if you don't f*cking respect me. I don't CARE if you like hating on, insulting, mock my stupidity in your freaking lesson. But I f*cking CARE that I tried SO F*CKING HARD for SS and how you think I'm NOT GIVING A FLYING F*CK about it. THANK YOU FOR ACCUSING ME SO MUCH. THANK YOU FOR WASTING YOUR PRECIOUS TIME THAT I DON'T DESERVE. I APOLOGISE FOR MY STUPIDITY, IT WOULD'VE TAKEN GOD TO GET THIS MIRACLE THAT I LASTED TO SEC 5, OKAY?
I know I'm not worth your time; you've hated me since the day I flunked your assignments. Thank you for wringing your brain juice dry so that you would get frustrated reading my work. I'm sorry, alright? I should've been born dyslexic, happy? God, I wonder why you wouldn't grant these people their wishes if you could tell the future and make me an illiterate or something; it would be better than me having opinions everywhere and rambling inane sh*t on this poor, innocent blog and the people reading it.

To every other teacher:
Mrs Chiu, I apologise for being such a recalcitrant and never ever handing you up my assignments on time. Getting you overdosed with Panadol every time my voice rang out in the class, and for trying to send us out when the homework is not due. I understand your concern, and I thank you for trying even though the 'sending pupils out of class' punishment has worn out. I do not find it an embarassment, seeing as thick as my facial skin might be, or as now Nick might think it is.. that wussypants.

Mrs Wong, thanks for teaching me the whole science shiznit for 5 years. Through these years, I have taken an appreciation to the subject, and from a flunkard I have gained distinctions to your generous actions. Consider that as a reciprocation of your hard work. Although we never really appreciated you blaming us, or changing our answers and making it such that it's to your own credit.. I don't mind. *shrugs* I suppose it's your way of teaching, whatever. You're nice, and yeah, thanks.

Mrs Hoe, the teacher who probably has made the most significant impression on me since the day I stepped out of SAPS. You are the teacher I respect the most; you are the one whom I look up to as a mentor, a friend, and a form of solace. I thank you for bringing us all up like your own children, being there for us through joy, sorrow, anger, and a lot of sweat and toil. Thanks for being there when we needed you: you are one unforgettable teacher.

Mr Chan, you understand us like we were your own children. You were the one that motivated us not only academically, but mentally. You drove the determination in us, and shifted our gears to full speed ahead. You were more like a brother, but now that you have the prettiest daughter, you now know how to empathise with students like us, and actually understand more. Many a times I've seen your determination and will fade, and sometimes, you even almost gave up. Well, although this child is willing to, you definitely shouldn't. The class needs something to back up on, and that's you. You did good, no matter how much we dissed you. Don't give up on the class, because many of them don't intend to give up on themselves just yet.

Right now, I'm on the brink of insanity, on the verge of giving up all hope. If coming to school only means to be dissed by teachers, get put down and mocked of my stupidity, then give me a jolly good reason as to why I should come to school, be vibrant and active in class, when all I get is nothingness..

So, right. I'm stuck between being an infamously notorious kid with a badass attitude or change myself into someone unknown, prefidous and completely.. well, un-Gloria-ish. I can't choose between the two, but I'll know soon enough, I guess.

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 3:25 pm

Saturday, March 26, 2005

I totally forgot about my blog. I apologise if you have to face the same boring entry whenever you come in. XD

Anywaaaay, yesterday was Good Friday; a day where all Christians near and far comemorate the death of our Saviour, Jesus Christ, and where every other non-believer comes to diss blog entries like mine. ^^

Yeah uhm well, Celestin came over to church with me, and I must say.. This year's Good Friday mass was.. unique and definitely an eye-closer. I almost fell asleep for the whole of the mass! ._. For the 1st time, the mass had no opening hymn, and there were so many alter boys. o_o I recognised one, since it was my primary school friend.

How I seriously miss the 3 priests that left the church and Singapore, they were like, the ones I knew very well. Fr Phillip Miscamble, the one who guided me more than ever, makes perfect sense in his sermons, and is an angmoh!!`111`!~1 *ahem* Then there's Fr Moses, the chinese guy. His singing is extremely cute, and makes the crowd roar in laughter with every Hokkien phrase he says (that's right, we got hokkien in church! XD). Then there's Fr Clifford, the funniest of the three. He cracks the bestest jokes, but knows when to be serious. So okay, his singing would be what I'd call pulling off a Celestin, but he's the friendliest of the lot. =) To you three in Aussie or whichever part of the world, may God bless you!

So uhm yeah, back to Good Friday mass. We had to kneel and stand a lot, and the Passion of the Christ was hilarious. This guy who was supposed to speak was like.. monotonous, and expressionless. I could've kicked him off there and put my dear Celest to speak instead.

We had the Pinoy choir, too. Much, MUCH better than the normal, Chinese wannabes. I swear, these filipinos have such talent I wonder WHY they come to Singapore to work when they very well can be singers at home, sit back, open their mouths, and get munny rolling in.

The Venetation of the Cross was pretty funny. The priest couldn't really sing in tune nor rhythm, and neither could the lady behind me. Seriously, I appreciate people that can't sing and actually keep quiet if they knew that they were off-key. But NOOO, the lady had to go louder behind me like she was an amplifier with the batteries failing. Celest and I were just laughing away.. and the lady still didn't realise how bad she sounded. How I pity her friend beside her. XD

Celestin: "So where do I kiss?"
Me: "The legs.. or feet, rather."
Celestin: "What feet? Where got.."
Me: -_- "The cloth hasn't been removed yet, duh."

-After the kissing of Jesus' feet-

Us: "Wtf I hit the nail XD"

Well, it was rather fun.. but really, it was sleep-inducing with talks from the priest. My grandmother had to leave after having fainting spells because she fasted that day. Sigh, take care kay, don't overwork yourself. *hugs*

Then when the priests and alter boys left the church..
Jie: "OMG he smiled at you?!"
Me: "Eh? Who?"
Celest: "That Indian among the alter boys la!"
Me: -_- *turns around* "Isn't that his family?" *points*
Us: "OH YAH!" *breaks into laughter*

------------------------------------------

One night I gazed into the sky,
Saw the stars and started to cry
They all reminded me of you,
Which left me feeling down and blue
They made me remember your twinkling eyes,
The memory of our last goodbyes
And then I saw your gorgeous smile,
And stopped to think a little while
Again I glanced and saw your heart,
Which by mistake i tore apart
Then finally I happened to see,
What you really meant to me
I gazed once more out into the night,
Hoping that you were still alright
When suddenly out in the sky,
A shooting star did pass me by
And so I made just one last wish,
And it went something just like this...
I wish I may I wish I might,
I wish to have you here tonight
I closed my eyes and opened them to see,
Your smiling face looking straight at me
You said you were sorry and I did too,
And once more I fell in love with you.

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 4:05 pm

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Was really getting bored in school without min. Take care okay girl? So glad you're alright.. hoping to see you back in school! Don't worry about homework, they've been postponed! *jumps for joy* \o/

Today, Kenneth didn't come to school. Should've expected so. But yeah, so long as he's doing fine.. we should get on with ourselves and stop worrying about that idiot. Sigh, to think we're all trying so hard and he doesn't care. I mean, hasn't he thought of the future? I fear the worst.. ._.

Well, I did have some things to say.. but apparently I've forgot.

Ohwell. Gloria, signing off.

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 3:25 pm

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

School started out pretty okay. I got to laugh at Jessica for trying to lie. Walk past her once while she was talking to Tom Chan, then hissed in her direction, "Liaarrrr~". She most probably heard - well, I did want her to hear it, anyway. Not like I ever spite people behind their backs. If I wanted to insult I do it in their faces. But yeah, then when Mr Chan told her off to go back to class, I gave her a smug grin and laughed in her face again (HAHH!). Now now, please don't start calling me mean.. but she is shameless enough to participate in events that shouldn't include her, and yet.. if she can stand all the sarcasm in the so-called 'cheers', I don't see how mine will affect her. Besiiiides, she's got such a loving boyfriend that loves her to bits. *coughcoughchokewheeze* BPian Idol, other talent shows, and even Teachers' day and CNY? Like, wow.. she really can pull off a Xuantong without knowing the total embarrassment. Hell, she even made Kaili pissed once by trying to compete in running with her. (Of course Kaili won laaahs. Don't underestimate her kay!)

Then there was CME. We realised that *gasp* we haven't touched our project at all! Little me just HAD to lie and say we did some.. but heck, I have no intention of lieing and not doing, so I'm getting this shit done ASAP. Might take me some time.. but heck, I think we can finish this! Ganbatte girls~ o/

And more fun with Lit and Mrs Hoe! I went on my grouping with Baqir, Bumi, Haobin, Xinhan and Junhao. Being the only girl sucks.. but hey, I'm not the one bullied XD *points and laughs at Junhao* We were talking about Kenneth and how he.. well, I don't really feel he deserved another chance for coming to take the O's. I mean, I specifically recall asking him this when he came back from his 'suspension':

Me: "So, Kenneth.. you willing to come back to reality and study for O's?" (Yeah I know I sound like a geek. ._.)
Kenneth: *nods head eagerly* "Yeah."

That did give me some assurance, since he was making the whole class a little gloomy everytime some teacher asked "Kenneth, wake up!" or "You okay, Kenneth?". Many times we've persuaded, reprimanded, and encouraged.. but you don't seem to understand or even at least.. respond positively. You do for a while, but you digress after a while. Hell, you even started to do stupid things like threaten Zhihui into getting her guy to come and fight with you (kay, as you all know my chinese sucks, so if there are typos, SHUT UP ._.) by saying "你有种你叫你的男朋友来打我啦!" Bad reason to piss off a girl.. and end up in tears yourself. =/

We empathise, but you totally ignore it. We go to you, but you chide it. We order you, and you defy it. I understand your grandfather passed away, but that gives no reason for you to be getting angry, getting on the wrong side of people. As much as the guys would chide you now.. you know that 5A loses more of you. We have lost many people already in this war of Secondary life. Kaixian, Jieying, Erene, Eileen, Josline, Clayton, Huda, Nazirah, Izzat, Izwan, Yaozhong, and Tommy have already won their battles, and they move on. You've won part of your battle, but you stayed on with us whilst they carried on in JC/Poly/ITE, and that means if you stay with us, we stay with you. We're not giving up on you, and neither should you on yourself. Stay with us, we'll help you all the way. This, my friends, will apply to each and every one of you. If you think 5A's falling apart, the rebuilding is in progress. I am predicting that by Mid-Year, all of us will realise, wake up from the horrid dream or nightmare we are facing now, and go full speed ahead. "No one stands alone" will probably live in our hearts, and I found the true meaning of why Mr Chan chose this this year. Still remember the Secondary one motto? "Capedium!" That's right, we'll live by it too.

がんばって，５Ａ! We can do it. =D

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 4:02 pm

Monday, March 21, 2005

Like, everyone has PMS today?

First up my sis ticks me off when she didn't inform me that she took my ezlink card. Hoohah, she apologises later. Then my DAD has to come along, acting all bigshot and getting me pissed. Like hell, I feel like kicking his face out of the living room instead. One of these days, I swear I'll kill someone. Be it family or friend. My insanity will just.. make me go crazy and wield a weapon of destruction and slay every other motherfucker that steps over the line.

Right now, I'm fuming and despite the knocks on my door, I'm not fucking opening it and I just blasted my speakers louder. Thank the Lord for making music loud. I can't even hear myself even though my speaker knob is only at the halfway mark. =3

----------------

Eh okay, time to get serious. Min, I know your op's tomorrow. I hope you're not feeling scared; all of us are with you even though not physically. Think of us! Know that you are getting better! And most importantly, recover soon kay.

---------------

Alright, time to go out and bodyslam my dad.

Then watch more of Elijah Wood. Buhbais.

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 7:22 pm

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Today = Palm Sunday.

Where every year people's kiasu-ness make them rush for the best palms. Or whatever they can grab. Being late to wake, bathe and as usual, leave the house.. I caused my family to be late. Thank God my godparents kept seats for us, or we'd be left standing.

So yeah, 1st time ever attending Palm Sunday ceremony our renovated Saint Mary's, so I found it cool that we had to do the mass outside of the church where the blessing of palms would be held. So like, before I knew it.. I was actually surrounded by Indians. Not only were they very pushy (pun intended), but when the priest asked to raise our palms.. my mum and I.. well, you could say we couldn't really stand the smell of.. raised armpits, since the both of us had a height of only bits higher than 1.5m. So after a few words and blah.. they made a pathway to clear for the priest to walk, and of which I thought we'd be finally going back into the church, and looked eagerly at the big pond and focused my eyes on the big church, waiting for people to move of when all of a sudden -

SPLASH.

I squinted my eyes, absorbing what just happened. My arm that was holding the palm was like.. wet, and so were the rest of my face and shoulders. Apparently the priest walked by and decided to bless the palms with water. Despite my being slightly taller than 1.5m and having tall indians *cough* in front of me as well, I was still.. well.. soaked. o_o I wiped off whatever 'holy water' that was in excess (of which was pretty much all >_>) while my mum and I started laughing because her specs were full of water droplets as well. XD

People started going back in, while my godfather told our familes to stay. We were the only families left in the row.. and I was starting to doubt my godfather when the priest asked the rest of the people to return and that he had to finish the 1st reading before we could go back in. One word: OWNED. =s

Church was pretty much longer than usual; even my devoted mother was telling me she was going to fall asleep soon. XD

Didn't go to IMM today, phew. I'm going to be sick of that place as much as lunching in Swensens. >_>;

But in today's mass.. I actually felt that I understood Christ more. I don't have my faith shaken, but nor do I wish to be some extremist that wants to make people believe in God SO much so that they try to convert others. Just because you believe in Him, doesn't mean you should make others do so. I hate converted people, especially people that converted into Christians and start to go around talking about EVERYTHING related to God, and how powerful he is. You should see how embarrassing you are. It's like having your mum going around proclaiming her child comes from this and that school, having 11 A1s, can play the piano with eyes closed while chanting the Apostle's Creed, and in between paragraphs, yell a random chemistry/mathematical equation and solve it. >_>

Min:
Please take care.. not having someone to sit beside me will kinda cause me to feel very alone, but if possible.. I wish to be with you. Don't make yourself sound like you're going.. because I would never want you to go anywhere else.

Min, get well soon.
God bless you. I don't care what God it might be; could be yours, mine, or some Indian animal God. May they give you a speedy recovery asap. =)

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 12:33 pm

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Poor Sabbath.

I woke up startled to hear a loud squawk, and a long hiss. No, it wasn't a crow and a snake fighting, I realised it was my cat - Sabbath. I closed my eyes, trying to falsify myself that my cat was fine and it wasn't hurt. After a few continuous hisses, I opened my door, and went to the living room where my cat was, eyeing me with pure hatred and detest. I was shocked, for I have never seen Sabbath act this way.

Me: "What's wrong with her..?"
Mum: "Dad 'kiap' her tail."
Me: "OMG. Wait, with what?"
Mum: "The door la.."

When daddy came out to the living room, I expected him to feel sympathy. Oh but noooo, all he did was "stupid cat". -_- I felt like saying, "You did this to her and you blame it on the cat herself, good going."

Sabbath can't really sit now, everytime she tries she'll hiss at her tail.. and get very angry. And everyone knowing that I have a phobia of cats, regardless of angry or not.. I am now in my room, where earlier when I went to excuse myself back to the room, Sabbath had every urge to attack me. >_> (You can tell when a cat does that.. She crouches low, swings her tail like a horizontal pendulum, and eyes you maliciously.) I feel like carrying my cat, and bringing her to the vet to see if there's any major problems.. but she wouldn't let anyone nearer than 2 meters from her ._.

Poor thing, I'll just have to wait and see if it recovers herself. God bless your tail, dear. ;_;

I just read min's blog.. and cried.
You probably hate me deep inside. I don't want to reason with you why you shouldn't.. but I'll tell you one thing; I'm willing to go through what you are going through. I know I'm no longer significant in your life, but I'll always be behind you. If it helps at all, remember the old Gloria, the one who used to smile like it was a holiday everyday. Stay strong girl, you know you can do it. =)

Good thing there's tissue right beside me. F*cking emotions.

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 8:20 am

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Yes, as the title stated above, Gloria is once again bored out of her wits. Holidays left me with nothing to do other than stay up, chat on MSN, and contemplate if I should get started on my work. I will... besides, I got all my Bio answers already. I just don't really remember what's for English. I'll remember to do my Humanities, but Social Studies and History is SUCH. A. PAAIINN. Especially if you got a Discipline Master for a teacher. Meh, I'm trying my best dammit, I'm trying. >_< I'll definitely need a lot of help, since Mrs Wong reminded me..

(After bio remedial)
Mrs Wong: "So, you're all coming to school for PoA remedial?"
Me: "Eh? Not me."
Mrs Wong: "Why not?"
Me: "Dropped the subject."
Mrs Wong: "So you only have 6 subs left?"
Me: Duh? "Uh. Yeah."
Mrs Wong: "*Gives that 'wtf you do that for' look* Well, better work hard.. *walks off*"

So much for moral support, huh.

--------------------------------

Sorry, typed that yesterday night. Just woke up. Hella sleepy. Checked Yanliang's blog. Had fun flaming the asshole that tried to play Mr I-know-it-all-and-you're-so-violent-OMG!-to-hell-with-you. Would probably teach people not to judge one by the blog. But yeah, seeing that everyone ELSE was on Yanliang's side, probably the passerby saw Kenneth as the underdog. But hey, all of us who know him know that Kenneth overreacts. A lot. Let's recall the situation, shall we?

*FLASHBACK!*

1) Kenneththrows balloon down a few storeys from Suntec EXPO.
2) Yanliang is a councillor.
3) Councillors uphold law.
4) Littering is against the law.
5) Thus, Kenneth breaks the law.
6) Yanliang, being taller than wittle boys, pushes Kenneth's head in a "wtf you doing" manner.
7) Also did that because he's a councillor and it's not right for students (yes, we were in uniform) to do that. (DM was present for outing as well, so if Yanliang didn't react, he would be a bad councillor. Bad councillor = DEATH PENALTY *dum dum dum~*)
8) Kenneth called police.
9) When he himself broke the law. Bad idea. *nod*
10) "I want to report that I have just been assaulted," says Kenneth.
11) Friends around go: "Wtf?"
12) Yanliang shrugs it off thinking he's crazy. (Might be, so don't assume he's not.)
13) "On second thought, nvm" <-- Kenneth.

Now class, what can you infer from this?

*random person raises hand* o/
Kenneth is hot-headed, rash, and prone to stupidity. Yanliang is INNOCENT!

Absof*ckinglutely correct. Now, lemmi get on with my homework.

I don't wanna do it though... ;_;

"I'm a soldier, born to stand..
..In this waking hell I am."
-RogueFrequency

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 12:07 am

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Finally. FINALLY all done. *heaves a big sigh of relief* Took me a god damn long time (and I MEAN long) to finish this blog, so many errors here and there. And my computer just didn't want to cooperate very much. Asshole. >_> But yay. Nice new song, of which took pains to obtain (actually none, Jerry sent me it XD), and I put the buttons on the right to stop/start/pause the song so that dear Edmund can click on it without taking another 10 seconds of his life looking for it like in my other blog. Lol.

Yesterday I had bio remedial, with our 5 year-long teacher Mrs Wong. I left the house at nine when I was supposed to reach AT nine, and dashed after the bus, got down at the stop, and sprinted to school (<3 nikes)!

.......Only to realise the teacher had just arrived as well. -_-

But yes, after dawdling for like, half an hour and more.. we got started at 9.45am. Whee. 45 mins of our time wasted, and she told us she had to rush off at 1 to go for the teacher's run. (Remedial supposed to be from 9am-1pm) So yeah, fine.. we just sat there, while she taught in the Physics lab. I mean.. uhh.. biology in a Physics lab is rather weird; I wonder why she didn't take the Bio lab. <_<
Then some Indian girl came, and started to bug Mrs Wong. For god knows what reason.. she kept wasting our time, helping the student, running in and out of the lab.. while we were told to "do our drawings". Riiiiight; we draw, you run in and out and blame us later. Mmm, good idea. *nod nod*

But yeah, fine. I could say I learnt more than whatever lessons she gave most of the time. We promised her a distinction for Bio, (Chem was excluded because she understands we hate the Chem teacher and the way she teaches the subject. XD) and that reminds me.. if we're going to ace it for these few teachers we promised, I'm going to be sick of pizza. -_-

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 8:54 am

Sunday, March 13, 2005

I'm so emotional.

I actually cried myself to sleep these few days. Tears are probably sleep-inducing, I guess.

I am such a failure in life, studies, family, and most of all, keeping friends. I just got my progress report back.. And although I seemed so damned happy, I am actually afraid. To let anyone down again. Since I got Top 5th, everyone's thinking it's nothing for me.

English: C5 (59/100)
Maths: F9 (19/100)
Science: B4 (61/100 [80 for bio, 37 for chem])
Chinese: F9 (5/100 WOOT =D)
Eng Lit: B4 (64/100)
Humanities: F9 (28/100)

Pssh, I would've expected worse.

----------------------------

Spoke to a few people who attempted to convince me not to keel myself. I won't jump off buildings. It's messy, painful for 20 seconds before death (that's the last thing I need; more pain), and besides, I'm altophobic~ So yeah, I'll find a method sooner or later. People would have to suffer less being around me. No more hatred with everyone around. My pain = gone since ghosts can't feel shit, and people would be much much much more happier seeing me gone. =D See, 一脚踏两船。 EH, NO!! Uhm, 一箭双雕！ Heh, not bad kay.

-------------------------------

Today I went for church, as usual. Nothing much, but I noticed more.. Indians going to church. I mean.. uhm.. I'm not racist laaahs. But why would they spend time in a church when they don't understand? ._. If you only believe, and don't understand what you're supposed to believe in.. what's the point of believing in the first place?

After which we went to IKEA to have a nice, cheap lunch. (Plenty of angmohs too! =O) But yeah, the salmon was nice. I can't believe my mum hates it. >_> Was so full after that I don't think I'll be taking dinner.

Walked to Queensway, and *dum dum dum!!* I finally bought my nikeeeessss. Purply and all, I thought of finally being able to rid myself of my other one. Yays. Joy, joy, joy. My grandparents are the bestest. Everything's so damn affordable for them.

<3uboth! Thanks. =)

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 1:12 pm

Thursday, March 10, 2005

The wound has ceased to close.
It's nothing superficial.
The tears that fall upon it just add in more agonising pain.
I want to stand again,
But I'm pushed from the anguish that reminds me once
Of a time I was left alone.
Of a time where I cried.
Of a time no one cares.
The pain returns again..
My childhood fear;
My nightmare..
It's back.

To those that have think my mind has become a delusionised world and that I have become someone unknown, idiotic, and bitchy, I would urge you to please read on. To those that don't, please move on with your life and stop spending precious minutes with reading my blog and not understanding.

I was seriously pissed off when Mr Chan called us to go down to the field. Even Junhao saw me mouth "f*cker" and for all who know, I don't badmouth people behind their backs. If I have something to say, I say it in his/her face. I glared at him, and said "BITCH" in his face. Although he was male, I don't care; he deprived me of learning something. What, I go around in the field while I could be listening intentively in the hall?

But yeah, as I walked, I actually started to feel myself cry. I bit my tongue and whatever else I could pinch on, to make myself feel more pain than depression. Why the hell am I going through all this. I am no longer what everyone thinks I am. I must've been God's disaster. He probably sneezed and had mucus all over me as his other work of Art. I am never going to get anywhere in life. I'm short, fat, ugly, unintelligent, inelegant, vulgar, and make the most cynical redundant comments ever. What more of imperfection can step in? Okay, I'm rude, uncooth, scheming, uncaring, rough, unbearably irritating, a stick-in-the-mud, spoilt, petty, a f*cking emo-kid and so temperamental. I'm neither academically, lingually or musically-inclined, I have no sense of taste, I am literally shitty when it comes to fashion, and I am trying SO hard to be a dork when all it takes is nothing at all!

I wonder how the hell Siow Chian actually does it. Even SHE has friends. I live with nothing, I'm bearing with nothing, and I'll cry at nothing at the end of my life here. Is this how you want it Gloria?! You've won, your PETTY ASSHOLE attitude, Gloria. You happy now? There are bruises where people don't notice; I am hurting myself and asking myseld WHY THE F*CK I still exist. I SHOULDN'T. I'm so fucking pissed with myself it's driving me up the wall and bleeding through it.

I am nothing anymore. I've done this enough. I've been stupid with all my friends, but it hurt so much knowing my past again. I NEVER wanted to see my past. My stupid, stupid retardness.. you haven't seen pain before, you wouldn't really care to understand.. Believe me, I haven't badmouthed ANY of you. The only asshole I look down in class is Nick. He thinks he knows everything, when all he does is cower under the pillow when it's wrong and pretends it's still right. If whatever rumours made you think I badmouthed any of you, I do not stoop that low to backstab people nor divulge others of secrets I swore never to reveal or at least know better to shut up with. I am not some cheap, low-assed person that plays games just to make friends. 5 years of friendship was great with you, and I thank every one of you. I have no wish to go on if my pettyness is affecting you, thus I want to be alone. But do not and I repeat: DO NOT assume things that I have not said. Every part of my anger was NEVER vented on any one of you. I vent it upon myself. I cry, I beat myself, I cry some more. I don't see how thrashing back at myself would be venting it on you. If it was to be getting angry, believe me.. you know I hate liars. You know YOU hate liars. I wouldn't be so happy to be lied to in the middle of everyone. Try being laughed at everyone. The echoing chorus of laughter mocking you; you know I hold a very high sense of pride - shattering it would be like flinging a rubber snake after scaring the heck out of Britney Spears when she would've thought it was real.

Many times I've tried closing my door, opening the window, and I looked down and tried to jump off. Like any other coward, I didn't. But like hey, 15 storeys was probably a reason why my parents chose this. They probably want me dead as well; they know I could never achieve anything in life.

Aliman, if you're reading this and going "oh crap, here she goes again.." and tell me that there -has- to be something to live for; THERE ISN'T. Well sure.. there used to be, but there's nothing to live for anymore.

I've lied to myself too much.. it's time I let go.

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 4:27 pm

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

People approached me with "Wah lao Gloria, your blog so vulgar sia.."

So yeah, fine. I deleted it.

Basically, summary of today: I am no longer going to interfere in your little pretty games of "Pin the tail on Gloria".

To hell with the Chinese language. And the teachers that think it's SO goddamnmotherf*cking important. To hell with the assholes that think they're so smart and unwilling to help others when they're down. I'll make sure your ass gets kicked right down to the very bottom your legs wouldn't even give you the strength to stand again.

There. No explicit violence, just letting off some random anger.

Your mockery shall no longer hurt.
Your shouts shall no longer resonate.
My cries will never be heard.

The wound has reopened;
it shall bleed until the day I cease to exist.

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 7:27 pm

Monday, March 07, 2005

I am so freaking BORED. Bored to the ends of the earth. Like hell, I am NOT keeping my own promises. I was telling myself to stay back, do my Maths but NOOO. I just had to sit there and watch Dina and Syaz work their magic with poker cards. In other words, I was lazing about and being a procrastinator. Bah fucking hah.

Well, I don't have much to talk about.. so let's get a random topic.

My SAPS Saints.
Mind you, this would be pretty lengthy considering if you're not from SAPS. Skip this part of my blog if you have no wish/goddamnmotherf*cking patience to continue.

All I remember from here was...

actionbedehlian'beng-ish~~lifesucked~~.hopelessexams.vandalism-extortion\\talkingback.fighting-friends//~~haters~~.english>chinese.
betrayal-backstabbers.\\morons-~~intelligence~~.

I'd like to give a little tribute to my little ex-classmates as well. In no particular order of preference, here goes.

Carmen Ho: Carmen, well.. I've known you since I was in Kindergarten school. Well known as "kah-moh", your violent reactions never fail to humour people. Pretty and sweet, I wouldn't ever forget you (probably because I tend to see you in church as well). We were like sisters; you, Andrea, Liz and I. We will be one group that holds history in SAPS. May God bless you forever.

Andrea: Andrea Anne Aloysius. My dear blackie - LOL. Alright, I'm kidding... you know I am. <3 Another one of our sisters, I hail you as the girl being a non-Chinese and yet get better results than I would in a Chinese exam! (Yes ladies and gentlemen, Andrea takes pride in her Chinese exams. *nods more* She takes Chinese as Mother Tongue. I hail her.) Dear friend, you are one I can indeed call true. Your essentric, and somewhat cynic nature (plus a whiff of tomboyishness) makes yourself a really true friend. Heck, you still remember my birthday, and even called me just to remind me I was a year older! But yes, Jokes aside.. Andrea, may God bless you for all that you are worth. And I'm sure that's everything He has to offer.

Elizabeth Goh: One of the best friends I've stuck with for a long time. Although not the longest, you were definitely one to remember. Gentle at heart, you hardly were upset with that smile on your face always. I admit, I have never seen you angry or upset. Even if you have, I have never experienced it; but I will if you are ever depressed. I couldn't forget you for the world. I thank you for being such a friend, I hope you're still doing well. God bless.

Cheryl: Bee hooooooooon!! You skinny bamboo. You won't believe how much I missed you since we last saw each other. After you parted to Tanglin Sec, how I reminiscence the times I spent squabbling with you. My English 'rival' you were, you were my challenge, my lifeline, and my aid to a better language foundation. Although we came from a Christian school which was also beneficial for the English language, my tiny agruments with you eventually sprouted into bits of laughter and joking fun. Although I understand you're not Catholic at heart, I do wish God will shine on you and allow you to succeed in whatever endeavours may cross your path.

Agnes and Aasta: Although you are indeed gone from this world, I pray at times for you. Agnes, you were a very cheerful girl. I was really glad to be your friend for that.. being able to learn to be optimistic, and your pinches do hurt, I remember vividly. Aasta, I remember you were another one of my big English 'rivals'. I remember heated arguments, but I looked up to you as a mentor. You were the one who taught me that 'bookkeeper' was the only word in the dictionary that had two letters together consecutively. Both of you, converted to Christians soon after we graduated, and left this world into God's hands where you both are safely at now. I hope to see you if/when I ever die.. and hopefully we have no quarrels in Heaven. Lol.

Donald James Gregg: Ahh, my male angmoh counterpart. Being ridiculously funny, you were the clown of the class along with Yu Jun. Your jokes never failed to make me laugh uncontrollably even though I was in tears a moment ago. I still laugh very much at the Barney song.. haha. I can remember what a f*cking rich ass you were considered back then as well. At primary 6, you were able to brandish a handphone.... and dismantle it completely. You are one heck of a dangerous clown, I swear. God bless your mighty ass, you monkey. XD

Jonathan Wee: I never spoke to you much until we had to part. Heck, if I never got to know you, I wouldn't have realised you were as funny as Donald was. Although having a comical nature, you were more gentle, less vulgar and gentlemanly. You were one who exceled in English as well, no doubt.. and I admired your capabilty of being so calm always. I hope we get to see each other again, seeing you as an alter boy in church was a tad.. surprising. But yes, I suppose God shall bless you himself for doing such deeds. Hahh.

(Hoooooooboy. That was so long.. *stretches a bit* ... a few more to go!)

Stephanie Awyong: My other tomboy-ish lesbi.. - I mean friend. XD Together for 3 years, our audacity and outgoingness shall live forever. I remember we loved to enter toilets, wet the paper and fling it upwards to the ceiling. At primary 6 I believe the whole ceiling was like fluffy clouds, full of old tissue/toilet paper. (Don't worry, we're sanitary. We only use NEW toilet/tissue paper. =3) You were very well a fond believer of God, and I wouldn't doubt he shines the path for you. KEep in contact girl, I hope you're still doing fine after the O's.

Everyone else in 6/4'2000: To all you other people. Yu Jun, Lizhi, Sheryl, Carmen Leng, Timothy, Sharilyn, Gabriella, Michael, Lui Yong (Pekky! XD), Jeslin, Cherlynn, Grace, Shu Yin, Benjamin, Ivy,... I hope everything's all right for you all. May God bless you no matter what, and I wish all of you the best. Take care, and good luck. =)

Also, a special thanks to: My teachers; Mr Victor Yeo, Mdm Mazidah, Mrs Anne Lim, Mrs Lim-Tang. All of you have been embedded in my mind forever - and there it shall stay.
Mr Yeo, I remember the words you told me when I was to graduate: "Make hay while the sun shines." To this day, I will keep in mind whatever you have taught, and I praise you for helping me being what I am today - I will not let you down, I will go back to SAPS with an A1 in English and make you proud.
Mdm Mazidah, although I knew you back then as a Miss, you were a vigilant Maths teacher. My parents were always being called up by you (as of all other maths teachers -_-), but your kindness has made me think about you and I will attempt to gain a Dist for my Maths as well. My return to SAPS will not be one in shame.
Mrs Anne Lim, you have been an excellent teacher, with your patience and endless preaching. You are one lady I will hold respect for all my life; you have taught us students the way no other teacher seems to be able to teach.
Mrs Lim-Tang, I knew you since you were my mother's friend's daughter-in-law. You are the one who inspired me to be a person who appreciates music, and to this day, I shall say that that passion has not faltered. I owe you my all teachers, and may God bless every one of your hearts to keep the passion of teaching - your profession will be an asset to the school of Saint Anthony's.

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 5:50 pm

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Sunday, sunday, sundaaayy.

Only thing I can think about today is waking up early, getting my ass to church, and YES it's a bad thing. I hate goig there looking at all the trendy idiots. All the other wannabes that dress like they're going to some scary constume party. I presume only my sister and I dress normally with DKNY and Ralph Lauren material (I was wearing my Bossini shirt.. but I make it look like it came from Colours of Benetton! XD). ALL the rest have like, common Roxy and Von Dutch. Psshh, like I haven't seen enough on the streets with lians that wear them without any taste.

Went to IMM later, as always. Had BK for breakfast, and now I'm having sandwiches for lunch. My sis bugged my grandma to buy her a DKNY watch, and she got it. For 200+ at first, then discounted to 188. Then my grandma was bargaining for 180.

Lady: "Cannot lar, 188 is a good price. 185?"
Grandma: "Aiyah, can lar. 180?"
Lady: "Err.. *thinks* Okay, but we can only take cash if like that."

(I presume she thinks we can't afford with cash...)

Grandma: "Why not."

(........NOT.)

So yeah, my sis has a new bling-ish DKNY watch, and she's uber happy.

I swear that when and if I grow up rich, I'll buy my husband that $1415 Dior watch. Was so pretty I kept staring at it in the store. In return I want that other DKNY watch. Baha. XD
I dream too much, don't I.

Anyhow, some pics I just had to take. Itchy, itchy fingers.
My sister being incredibly estatic with Sabbath. (Finally, a picture of my black cat! <3)

Some new game, Cranium. Is pretty fun and I'd actually like to bring it somewhere, but since my friends aren't like, oldskool, I'd rather not.

And finally, my sister's bling watch.

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 3:00 pm

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Today, we had CIP. Went around the whole of CCK to collect newspapers, mainly around blocks 204 to 206 for our class. I partnered myself with Qian Nan, and we were pretty effective. I spoke English, and if the resident didn't understand, Qian Nan would step in with her super chinese! Then there was one part with an old lady *dum dum dum* where she couldn't communicate in neither Chinese nor English. So bah, I just went forward and conversed.

Qian Nan: "Wo bu hui.." (I don't know..)
Me: "Uhmm.."
Old lady: "Li ai si mi ah?" (Hokkien: What do you want?)
Me: "*reslises that it's Hokkien dialect* OH! Uhm, aunty ah, li ooh hi leh.. hi leh.. ahh (mumbles to self on what it's supposed to be)..... Newspaper.. li ooh bo?" (Uhm, aunty ah, do you have that.... that... newspaper.. do you have?"
Old lady gives a look of confusion, and tells us it has already been collected by some other schoolmates, which I presume was Sean and Nick.
Me: "Oh, eh sai la, kam sia kam sia." (Oh, can lar. Thanks thanks)

I hate my limited vocab on Hokkien. ;_; I learnt it ever since I was 3! (Started when I was karaoke-ing with my mum.. I mumbled words that sounded like what she said. Eventually, I learnt Hokkien!!) *and the crowd goes wooooo..*

---------------------------

I forgot to include that yesterday, the top N(A) student for 2004 O levels in BPGHS, Melvin Chye, came to talk to our class. I was amazed by the talk he offered.

1) He has 6 dists, over a total of 7 subs.
2) He has A's for BOTH English and Chinese.
3) He is able to converse with us teens his age w/o being a nerd.

Probably because he started that Friendster thing. Nonono don't get me wrong people, I think of it as something achievable. Even though he commited an offense (I did too since I participated >_>), he was able to be top student for the NA stream! Gosh, I was just staring at his A for English and Science... =D~~ When he kept asking "Any questions?" I so felt like raising my hand and asking something cheeky on the Friendster incident. Ohwell, not like it was anything bad, we DO rather.. have a particular.. dislike for... uhm, someone.

Junhao: "Please lar. Distinction only.. I get my Chinese A1 show you ah!" (For the records, Junhao's Chinese is as good/horrible as mine.)
Yanliang: "HA. HA. HA. The day you get A1 for Chinese is the day I become President of America."
Me: "Nonono, Yanliang. The day Junhao gets an A1 for Chinese is the day I get crowned Miss Singapore Universe."
All: "WTFLOL! *dies laughing*"

I'm so honest. XD

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 11:44 am

Friday, March 04, 2005

Yesterday was mummy's birthday. No cake, but she liked the restaurant sis and I brought her to. Was some uhh... thai restaurant. I didn't get to have much since I was afraid of spicyness, but I swear, that softshell crab was yum-yummmmm. XD Had my fill, as well as mummy. Really glad she enjoyed it, last time we brought her to other restaurants, she didn't like it.

List of restaurants mummy never wishes to enter for her birthday:
- ~~Marche~~ (WHYY ;_;)
- ~~Spagheddies~~
- ~~Sakae Sushi~~
- ~~Other Japanese ones~~
- ~~Swensens~~ (I myself have had enough of eating there.. lol)
- ~~Fish&Co~~ (WTH?!! ;_;)
- And some other restaurant that has initials for the name, but I forgot. (I kept thinking DKNY somehow, though. >_>)

But yes, we enjoyed it, and was full. The only thing else mummy liked was the bill. Only S$67+ for dinner for four.

---------------------------

Today, the graduating classes (that's us!) had to go to Suntec for some Career Fair.

Whooooopdie-doo.
[/sarcasm]

Anyway, as I was on the bus, I kept thinking of something, but I don't know what I'm supposed to really think about. I stared out the window, looking through as my the old gymnasium I used to practice gymnastics (yes yes, *sigh* I used to. When I was only around... 4 or 5. I still think parallel bars = funfun though) because my aunt worked there. That reminded me of the old Holland Rd gymnasium, my 1st gymnastics hall, which is probably still there. *shrugs* I am unable to practice gymnastics now anyway. Pronated feet; damn physical disabilites. I remember it was really fun as a child though, too bad I don't get the chance of doing that now; I'd just trip and fall over myself, rofl. But as the bus coursed through the Singapore River, I realised how much I missed that place. How much I want to just go there, and just shout. I seem to have an affinity with water.. I like almost anyting and everything to do with water. Ranging from night beaches, tingling waves at your feet, to diving and underwater Marine research. Swimming included. But uhm, yes.. I actually hope that when I die, I get cremated and my ashes get thrown in the sea. Just keep a bit of me in an urn to place in St Mary of the Angel's colombarium.

Ooh, waaaaay off-topic there.

But nothing much at the Fair; we just walked and only thing we concentrated upon was the salaries of our teachers. =x (Actually, only thing I concentrated on were the eurasians. I can't kick the old habit, sorry. >_>)

We went home, terribly LOONNGGG trip on the train. And I thought Bugis was super short.. <_<

Oh God, just thinking about tomorrow's CIP is making me horribly tired already. I think I'll plop asleep and just.. sleep to get rid of the thought. Ciao.

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 6:41 pm

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Yes, I feel like a total jackass. I greatly apologise if I have been so unfriendly, unfeeling, cold, bitchy, and such an idiot these few days. I don't know what's come over me; I can't possibly blame others. It is - indeed - my own fault.

I didn't want the rest of you just standing there, looking at me eagerly to give directions. Gloria is very indecisive. I await instructions; I don't give it unless I really don't have a choice. And even if I did, I would think 'Now would he/she actually agree and do it?' I hate being someone that is a burden to a particular community/group. As much as I know that I am (in examples of helping out with the class' management, you can see what an utter failure I am), I can't possibly make things better by actually making you all find this quote and that sentence; then just have myself to write. I couldn't help but let you all go home, and let me finish it myself. Again, I'm sorry if that action taken was so fucking wrong. I apologise, I understand you have intentions on helping, but looking at your faces I felt so guilty making you help while everyone ELSE went home without doing or done something utterly slipshod. I do not vie with that sort of work so long as I have ample time, I'm a perfectionist that likes to take her own sweet time in making it perfect. I've already mentioned many times what a procrastinate I am, and you already know that. I understand I was such an obstinate fuck when you all willingly offered to help and yet I chided it. I'm sorry.

I've thought about what someone once had said to me. "Why have friends? All of them backstabbed me, kicked me while I was down, and I learnt to work alone. They never cared about me; I couldn't care less about them either." I would agree with that statement, although it does sound kinda harsh, and I think friends are important. I have done my fair share of loyalty, and I have an equal share of loathe. I don't know. If I'm going to be outcast from this day onwords, I couldn't care less. I really have no care for the rest of the world already. I understand that from this day on that if I can't do anything myself, I don't see why anyone else should try and help me. If the world is going to turn into a place where one does things for himself/herself, I don't see a reason to be selfless any longer either. I mean, if everyone lives for themselves, why would I be a non-conformist (although I am one) and try to help. Not like anyone would want my intiated help anyway, right?

Boils down to this: hate me if you wish, I really never wanted this to happen. I just wanted something else out of it. And it was never anything to hurt any of you. I personally hold no grudges; I'll stay out of your way if you want to stay out of mine after this incident.

Sorry.

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 3:29 pm

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Working on a non-abusive, non-violent, non-emotional and non-vulgar Gloria is SO not working. Hell, I so wanted to kick people in the nuts, hit them on the head until it bleeds, and stab them in the stomach to let them dry themselves of blood, then allow the dry corpse to be opened up, and organs dug out piece by piece. Then we play jigsaw, and piece him back together. Tie the body up, burn, and serve hot.

Mmmm.

But uhmm, no, I don't intend to kill anyone.... Just yet. I'm just really cruel when angered. I so did want to throw my scissors at Nick today, and make sure it pierced right into his eye. Then I'd go over, pull it out and stab it in the other eye. Blindness for that motherfucker would be fun. Or just shooting a bullet down his throat, making sure it totally rips off his larynx, just to shut him up for whogivesafuck when. I guess reality kicked me back in the ass as well, getting thrown in juvenile court for murder and staying in a Girl's home isn't fun.

Unless I got to kill more people there. *licks lips*

Uh, sorry. Getting weird when pissed. Both today, and yesterday. Does everyone have to whine on how shitty their results were? I hate it when that happens, really; I don't even think I'll get above 20, let alone watch you f*ckers cry over a score I'd die of happiness if I had that. Only one person whom I saw was content, and I sooo thank him for not making my day worse. Congratulations as well, Aliman. You really deserved it. \o/ 14 is so nice, I wonder how the other people thought it would be nasty to get a score of more than 10 (Apart from some people that HAVE to get that if they wish to enter their JC of choice [and which is not a ridiculous wish]). For 2 subjects I'd be getting a 10 for L1R5 already - even if I got an A1 for English, my Chinese is a confirmed F9. I guess I'd really have to stick with hopes of getting 3 A1's, but after today, I really don't know if I can make it, even.

----------------------------------
Common test results:

English Language: 13/30.

Chinese Language: 10/100.

Biology: 24/35.

Chemistry: Forgot/Not returned.

English Literature: 17/25

Humanities: Forgot/Not returned.

E. Maths: Failed, don't remember marks.

See, it's going to be such a freaking pain in my ass. Those subjects that haven't been returned or I forgot is going to be a definite fail as well; I SUCK at humanities and chemistry.

Sigh.

anyhow whacked by gloria @ 5:21 pm