Saturday, April 30, 2005
Moi dix moi* for blog BG.It was Aliman's idea!!11`1~!~11oneeleven~!
Will find a matching song soon, I hope. XD
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 3:11 pm
Friday, April 29, 2005
We ended school today at.. 9am.It's such a fucking miracle! \o/ All of us were utterly estatic to hear, "you can go home after finishing this NE quiz."
So we hurriedly did our quiz, and seated ourselves in the Computer Lab. I realised that Fa'izah had taken the 1st seat when she was register #2.
BPGHS, must have failed their math. Why in the blue hell did they put 1st computer as the Teacher's computer? WHERE was #1 to sit then!?
... right at the back of the line, apparently.
*baps teacher on head with newspaper roll* You didn't think of that, did you. Psshhh.
But anyway, I got pretty much a high score in that silly game they made us play. 459k score; beat that silly Express student sitting beside me flat when she got only around 50k-ish score. Pwned. XD
After that, I think no one bothered to do their duty (we'll see soon enough), although I clearly mentioned their names. Pfft, typical. *rolls eyes*
The lot of us (Andy, Kaili, Xinhan, Yanliang, Yindi, Zhihui, Jiamin, Qian Nan and I) went to Lot1, and we saw.. Jimmy, Sebastian, and 1000-year pervert (Junhao. XD) there! Like hell, did they fly there to eat Mac or something o_o
We thought for a long time if we should eat Mac or not..
5 minutes..
10 minutes..
15 minutes...
And finally, we left to see if LJS was open to sell us some hershey's pie. =3
Sadly, no. -_-
We (Qian Nan, Zhihui, Jiamin, Yindi and me) then went downstairs to see if the food court was open.
It wasn't. -_-
We then bought the mee sua, chicken floss egg thingy, and some chicken from some shinlin taiwan snack shop, and headed to Sweet Talk to have bubble tea, haha.
Having no place to sit, and sitting outside Mac would be a solution - albeit weird. So min suggested we go up to the cinema. Pretty cool experience, I've never sat down at a corridor corner to eat. XD I had the chicken, without any form of chilli, but in the end I found the spicyness overbearing, handed the rest to Zhihui (thanks! :*) and finished my bubble tea in a nanosecond.
I have never tasted much of pork floss before, and it seems like going out with whoever lets me learn a new 'lesson' on food. =P 1st it was hum chim peng at Clementi, now pork floss! XD
Thank God I finally finished Dave Pelzer's "A Man Called Dave", it's really a touching story, along with the whole trilogy. Highly recommended for new readers, since it isn't that hard to comprehend, and has plenty of vivid descriptions for building up your imagination. ^o^
Daddy gave me 40 bucks to spend on assessment and reference books, and boy was I happy. I have been wanting to ask, but I was afraid the family's financial status wasn't stable. Bought myself Chem and Bio guides, as well as a nice Math guide. Now I don't have to keep bothering everyone. But nevertheless, many thanks to Aliman, Jerrold and Bryan; goes to show it pays to know people from prestigious schools. Hey wait a minute - all of them are Ex-Victorians. What a coincidence XD!
Anyhoo, I'll be mugging for my studies now. And I have to work on two more things in my life. Wish me luck, because I'll really need it. I don't intend to fail my Maths, much less.. get an E8 or worse; a F9. Again. =s
If you're happy and you know it..
Good for you. =)
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 8:04 pm
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Finally got a shot of the anagram I worked on Nasri's arm. Haha, I admit it was slipshod, but it's readable both ways!Disclaimer: I am NOT responsible if you break your neck twisting it sideways. Yup.
I did more, but I ain't gonna show them. Maybe I should start doing requests? X3
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 10:09 pm
Today was Social Studies. Once again, Gloria struck with her signature study-notes-at-the-last-minute slamdown. And she took a left jab on Health Care and Service in Singapore, and a right kick on Education in Singapore and Switzerland.
Guess what?
BOTH CAME OUT!
Ahahahahahahahahahahahaahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
ahahahahahahahahahaahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahah
Yay.
AhahAHahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahhahahahahahahahaha
haagahhaahahhahaahahah
Alright, enough.
I wrote a whole page for Question 1d on source base! My God, that has to be the longest SBQ answer I ever wrote in my entire life. Poor Kaili sitting beside me didn't finish her exam, but she did 2 whole pages on SEQ; I wish I could be like her. XD
Ganbatte, minna-san! o/
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 5:54 pm
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Done with this new skin.I like this overall look, dark, and I hope no one thinks I'm satanic now because of this song. =| I just like it because it sounds err, meaningful? But yeah, just to make the blog 'coherent' to the song, I made it red and black-ish. Probably put up some boom boom song like Gwen Stefani's 'Hollaback girl' soon.
Heh. XD
----------------------------
Well, just came back from doing Bio/Chem prac exam. It sucked!! I swear, I'm going to get my hands around Mrs Chiang's neck and shake it like no tomorrow. How can she say that titration is not involved in the Mid-year's when it FREAKING CAME OUT AS A QUESTION? ;_; If only I studied more on that.. -_- I bet Qian Nan got that one right, I copied her titration notes on my book, but it's with Nas. =s
Was funny though, for chem.
Since I was the 1st to take chem before the changeover, I didn't really know what to do. I waited until around the last 15 minutes, and turned on my bunsen burner just to test for the lighted/glowing splint test on my Solution P and Magnesium ribbon shiznit. When I did, I realised my burner was making a lot of noise.
Not because it was faulty - but I had made noise in this quiet, no-sound lab. Everyone turned their eyes on me, and I looked hesitantly before opening the airhole to a blue sizzling flame. After 5 seconds, you could hear a lot of "CLICK" and "HISSSS" of the other benches opening up their bunsen burners.
I had started a chain reaction~ \o/
Lol.
But yeah anyway, bio was waaaaaaaaaayyy too easy. Only did osmosis and drawing of...
An onion! (Which Junhao, to his stupidity, [probably the poor mouse has had side effects like the real Algernon XD]) wrote it as Ion because he forgot how to spell it. LOL!)
I had a horrible drawing and it looked like some balloon with plenty of strings and a deflated top. XD Thank God I still remembered how to spell adventitous.
Wait - that's correct, right? o_o
Baaahh!! I give up. Practical isn't that easy after all! ;_;
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 9:58 am
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Yesterday, yin, min, hui and I went to help Mr Chan with the bpghs 45th Anniversary tickets. We wrote, stapled, laughed, and ate in the library (shh! XD) while the ten of us (syaz, dina, jas, aishah, and shidah included~) worked our butts out to help the teachers. Mr Peacock is so cute! ^o^ And they all said one day Gloria would marry an angmoh. I wish.. I tell you, I wish. XDBut yeah anyway, Mr Chan liieeed. He said only 30 mins of our time, but we took around an hour. Ohwell, it was worth spending since we didn't do it at the blistering hot sunshine, but in the library.
---------------------------
Mid years have started!
Today was English Papers One and Two.
One of my shortest essays ever this time; only 476 words. o_o Wanted to write about disasters, but it would seem that if I did, I'd be writing about a tsunami, along with countless amounts of people that did if they wrote that topic.
Then I wanted to try the casino topic, but I didn't have enough facts and quotes so I gave that up. *plops head down in resentment and heaves a sigh*
In the end, I wrote something on 'Challenges in life bring out the best in young people. Do you agree with this statement?' or something like that. Bullsh*tted. ;_;
Then Paper 2.. I was pretty content with the 1st passage. I'm still laughing over Junhao's answer for M1. XD 1st elephant they saw.. lmao. The 2nd one, however, was kinda hard. I didn't understand some terms, and was horrible bored with topics like these about ecospheres and conservation. =s
Ooh ooh annddd!! Thank GOD I didn't exceed the word limit for summary this time. XD
I await my B3 at least! \o/
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 8:29 pm
Friday, April 22, 2005
Ytd, it was fun going out with min, yin and hui to buy the cloth to make our kamikaze headbands.We, 5A, were BENT on getting cheering house champ and hopefully, Overall House Champion.
What I can say is that.. our efforts did not go to waste!
After a tiring day of yelling, screaming, and shaking.. WE WON!
We practically CLEARED the shelf of trophies.
Lower Secondary Boys' Division Champ
Lower Secondary Girls' Division Champ
Upper Secondary Boys' Division Champ
Upper Secondary Girls' Division Champ
Cheering Competition Champ
Overall House Champion
Blue house blue house 我爱你！ブルーハウス，万歳~! \o/
Aahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahaha
*breathe* hahahahahah
ahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahhh.
Good job to everyone, we did it!
Yay~ \o/
But now I'm sick. Flu, limping (bloody pronated feet caused this.. grr), and my stomach hurts so much. ;_; Was fun walking in the rain though~ XD
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 7:08 pm
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
I am bored. I truly, truly am. =(I have the urge to play NFS underground and I feel like bugging someone to show me where to buy FFXI. There isn't anything else to do except study study mug mug stress stress now ._.
I mean, I've brought back my Chem, Eng and Bio TYS.. and I'm just leaving them on the table to rot. D: School is making me sleepy.
The only thing I look forward to now is Sports Day.
Pity it's from the afternoon to evening -_- 1st time having it in the afternoons, it's going to be hot. HOTHOTFREAKINGHOT! But later I suppose we can go and have our own dinner. I miss pratas in the morning at Gombak.. ;_;
Uhm.
Why did I post this anyway?
Oh yeah, I'm bored. =|
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 5:50 pm
Monday, April 18, 2005
Looking for these songs:- 'Collide' by Howie Day
- 'Mr Brightside' by The Killers
- 'Over' by Lindsay Lohan
- 'Hero' by Arashi
- And that wacky Britney song, yup.
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 8:32 pm
Woke up late again today. I couldn't wake up from a dream, rather.
Now now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't having any tantalising dream, heh. In my little dream, though, I was sleeping as well. I couldn't wake up, no matter how hard my mum shook me, but the me in the dream was yelling "I want to wake up..", and so was I. Dreams like these aren't interesting. But I couldn't wake up, in my dream nor in reality. I finally woke up thanks to my mum opening the door and yelling in chinese "Gloria! 6:30 already!"
/me jolts out of bed and scrambles to bathroom in record time.
But yeah, in school, I kinda let down my guard a lot. My eyes are screaming with fatigue, my head keeps lulling itself to sleep, and I walk all zig-zaggy. =s Worse off, Min's not here to keep me awake, at least. Take care min! *hugs* Get well soon. =)
Lit wasn't so bad lah. Miss Mrs Hoe already. =(
But yeah, Ms Chong (I think that's how we're supposed to call her) was nice. She told me she'd read Dave Pelzer's book as well, and liked it. Me thinks she's cute. =>
Well, onward to the other Ms Chong. Her tone was absurdly contrasting and really irritated me. Grrr. >_>
I am hereby going to give up doing homework, and decide to do more self-study or finish my hw IN SCHOOL. Might seem wrong, but considering the alternatives - wait, there are no alternatives that seem to work for me. =s
So yeah, as I am writing this actually (FYI, I wrote this in my book, copied this out on blog), Mrs Chiu is keeping me and some other students 'prisoner' in class. I don't care, I really couldn't care less. She knows dead well I won't do my work. Not some wuss that does it just because to shut her trap, nor because of "diedie must do, teacher call parents UHOH!"
Uhm, yah.
Anyway, Mrs Chiu just gave up persuading and told me bluntly that she'd inform my parents. Go right ahead, I though.
But I still didn't go for recess. Nas and Isaac taught me Chem (thank God for that), and I was bent on finishing my bio notes today (still haven't, *UHOH*).
At 12:00pm:
English lesson. Tom's making us do some summary with only a 100 word limit. Wtf =s To think I exceeded it (again -_-). But uuhh, never mind lah hor. ^^;
Back home, I'm feeling really bored, my cat's going crazy, and I almost mistook Felicia for my aunt. I was like "Ehhh, AH YI?! You slimmed down so much!" But before I could say anything, I stared.. and realised it was not my aunt, but Felicia. XD Jie's going to kill me for mistaking her friend for being some aunt of mine.
Sigh, come to think of it, I now feel that it was so pointless to tell Mrs Chiu all that. Given the circumstances, NO parent would've ever, ever believed that bullsh*t. But really, I don't EVER do things that have no logic, unless you explain to me that "it's like that because it's just like that". Then fine, I'm not objecting. But when I don't understand anything, no one bothers to explain and you people expect me to know? I just want to understand, and I'll do the rest by myself. I fully understand the concept for maths, and all the equations (just not memorising them just yet), and by piling up my work, all the more I can't work by myself and get to memorising the essential things!
I just want to get the gist, not be some professional. I'm not that much of a perfectionist.
Why do you think I like Biology that much? It's because Mrs Wong always bothers to explain whatever logical questions we raise, and explain it in a logical fashion, despite the number of times she just changes our answers we give. =s
It's simple. If nothing is ever explained, I'll do just... nothing.
No point going on about homework, shoving at us equations, throwing countless amounts of worksheets, and force us to finish it only to get back effortless work. Sure, you would call it practice. But really, if I work at my pace, it'll be so much better. I know it'll be a high price to pay; dragging the class down with me being such a burden, and neither will I be ever allowed to not hand up my work (I'm expecting another Tiger Lecture soon).
Oh well. I'll have to crack Project: Gloria CHIONG AH! only at the last few weeks before O's then, if I'm disallowed to do this and that.
OH, about the issue of Casino?
Eh, I think I'll talk about it tomorrow. My post might be too long already. =x Heh.
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 6:58 pm
Friday, April 15, 2005
Yay, finally finished editing everything and I am content with this design. I just find my lyrics part a little weird. Speaking of lyrics.. this darn song took me at least an hour to put the whole lyrics together.Anyhow, please pardon that song, it kept playing in my head. Right now, I'm reading Dave Pelzer's "A Man Named Dave". Finally the last book of the trilogy. So far so good, not getting bored yet. Must find time to save up to buy Deception Point, though ^^;
And YAY, jh and hb returned my RK collection~ After two long years. =3 Hao jiu bu jian le, Ken-san! <3
In school, I actually blurted out to Mrs Chiu that I've had enough of doing Math hw. I mean, really. What is the whole point of homework if it's just 'to gauge the standard of your work'? I'd seriously self-study, and work everything out myself. But if everyone is given that liberty, there'll definitely be some people who wouldn't care less and give up on their studies.
But yah. I'm trying really hard to achieve my dream.
I don't want any setbacks, for I really don't want my efforts go to waste. Please give me my A1 for Eng/Lit/Sci, and a C6 for Maths for O's. That's ALL I ask for. ._.
Sigh, Biology is a BIATCH, I swear ._. What alleles, what bases on DNA, what what WHAAATT is Mrs Wong trying to do, kill me? Lucky I understand a bit. I found out some stuff, and it was interesting indeed. ^^ I'm a person filled with recessive genes. =s
No antigen in my blood, I have an astoundingly petite height, I have brown eyes (why not blue >_< I'd lose my obsession for angmohs then. XD), and finally, I can roll my tongue, hah! =P But really, I think I might fail if this big topic on genetics comes out as essay ques for O's. x_o Must get started on my TYS, then!
Kenneth hasn't attended school for a very, very very very very very (tired typing this) very very very long time. According to Tom Chan, he "cannot face the class". Like wtf, who is going to diss him just because he has a sleeping disorder? I mean, none of us knew. Now that we do, 99% of us understand, and empathise with him. I really wished Mrs Ong wouldn't let him retain; I don't think it's a good idea. I'd rather he stick with us, and finish it with us. Kenneth Chua, I know you don't really read blogs, or you really might not.. but LISTEN UP AND LISTEN GOOD. We will work to help you, and although I understand you have a lot of pride and need attention, we will spare your dignity and give you attention. We are not going to chide you like some outcast. "No one stands alone" You better live up to this damn phrase, or you're going to be really heartless to make everyone worry about you, and it's bad enough you're a Chua. D:
There was also some talk on Stress Management today. LIKE UH. You think this can help?! Oh my GODDDDD, you should've tried sitting there and "relaxing". The voice was sure alluring and made me relax, but hell, I was lulling to sleep in 3 mins already! (Apart from the fact Nick was being such an idiot in front of me, I couldn't really concentrate with that mofo around o_o) I would really like the teachers to try being us for one day, and us being them. Then we'd learn to appreciate both parties, and thank God we don't have to be what the other is.
Sheesh, really. >_>
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 2:31 pm
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Screwed up A Drive.. *kick kick KICK*Now I'm with Qian Nan and min, mugging for CME. While I think of something, I just decided to blog. I hope Ms Chong lets us off easy; I really wished Syaz didn't do the presentation first and 'save the best for last' instead.
Sigh.
Anyway, I did this during Chinese test, and I know the guy is a little screwed up, but hey, I like the way he goes "RAAAAAR". XD I sent it to DeviantART, and I feel like I'm actually trying to work on more just to feed my DevART addiction. =O
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 10:46 pm
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Today was somewhat.. a free day.Morning we took our 5 items for NAPFA, while I just followed the girls around, since I was exempted. But yeah, was fun cheering for our classmates, and yelling to everyone that it was our last year and we should strive for a gold. I did, however, try out my fave station, Sit and reach.
And HAH! I finally surpassed my old record of 51cm. 55cm~ \o/
It pays to have short legs. =3 Andy, however.. was totally insane. He's probably way taller than me, and actually did a 62 o_o! I was just watching with my jaw gaping.. as he reached down far more than I could've ever. Insane, I tell you.
Mrs Ee spoilt our fun when Fai and I ran off with Mr Chan's shoes and hid it. I went over to apologise, since she claimed she was about to report "that coucillor", which obviously meant Jiamin, since she's the only female councillor. Mr Chan asked if I apologise because I was asked to. Well, to a certain extent yes.. but I felt a bit guilty as well. =s
Anyways, back in class, Nasri kept persuading me to design his cast. I decided to try something from Dan Brown's "Angels and Demons", where his name could be read the right way up and upside down. I did it, and after getting my hands all black with pencil lead, we finished it up with marker and it looks spiffy now ^^! Pity I don't have a camera phone just yet (ARGH), or I'll definitely show up my "Illuminati" work of "art". =P
Math Timed Practice today... was okay, considering I did it all by myself. Would've completed it (other than the 2 werd qns) if I hadn't done it on foolscap.. -_-
Stayed back to do bio notes.
I am going to get to NP without fail~ Ganbatte ne, Gloria! \o/
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 4:41 pm
Monday, April 11, 2005
So okay, I feel like throwing up badly now.Yesterday, I decided to cut my toenails, and accidentally cut off a bit of my skin from my big toe. I thought it was no biggy, just a little blood and no pain whatsoever..
But after a bit, it started to hurt and more stuff oozed out. Like eeew, I decided to put antiseptic on it and sleep it off.
Now, after a day of schooling, it fucking hurt while walking around in school whenever I happened to hit my toe on something. After I removed my socks.. to my horror I did not find much blood.. but I found a whole.. object outside of my toe.
NOW I AM FREAKING SCARED. x_o
I don't know if I should remove the damn thing.. or leave it as it is.
Min once told me something about her cousin removing some white thing from the ear.. and she became deaf. I am now thinking that if I remove that thing from my toe.. I will lose all feeling from it. ;_;
1) The bloody (pun intended) thing is going to make me throw up
2) I am going to scare myself silly if I keep it there.
3) When my parents found out, and try a cure... IT'S GOING TO FUCKING HURT. >_<
*counts to ten*
*breathes*
*panting still*
I don't know I really really really don't know!
Stupid thing hurts, scares the shit out of me (not literally), and I have that itchyfingers to go pluck it out.
Where's my doctor when I need one~
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 2:49 pm
Sunday, April 10, 2005
I feel bad letting min, yin and kaili read A Child called It now.So far min and yin have really bad impressions on the mother, and I actually understand.. But I want the both of you (and kaili, if possible) that in the story, and in everywhere.. mothers care. They won't burn your arm, stuff a bar of soap down your throat, nor smash a diaper full of your baby brother's faeces in your face to make you feel crestfallen. For every action, there's an equal, opposite reaction. Whenever I remember what I did in violence, I remember the pain I inflicted on myself when I hurt others.
Believe me, you don't have to feel that the book is cruel, nor does the writer want pity. All he wants is to let people see how drastic a family can end up, and to treasure your own. I'm sorry the book made you cry yin, and I'm glad you didn't, min. Sigh, I hope it didn't bring tears to kaili, either.
But yes, I hope you understand. David Pelzer is no longer a child who suffered abuse. He's a new man, a new person who overcame his fear. When I finished both books (embarking on the 3rd one soon, heh ^^), I felt a sense warmth and comfort overwhelming me, knowing that even though I was once a child who got caned, beaten and stuff, but that's all over. I've learnt, and I'll still learnt to live life as it is, because at the end, our parents still love us as their own. =)
Now, if you're wondering what bullcrap I'm talking about, go read up this short story by Dave Pelzer: "A Child Called 'It'". That should clear things up a little. ^^;
PS: Don't come finding me if you get scary dreams after reading though! X.o;
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 8:05 pm
Friday, April 08, 2005
I screwed up - again.I thought it was okay and I did good for Chinese, seeing that I was able to (for once) read properly, and converse properly in the 2nd question since Jiamin asked me the exact same question this morning during Chinese lesson. Thank you min. Thank you Mr Chai, 蔡老师万岁! \o/
But due to my joy, I grew very overconfident about my English. For an hour, I gave myself ego-boosts and made myself assured that I'd get high marks for English.
The passage was easy. I had it all in my head for the picture. I was considering the questions that might come out related to the picture/passage, and while seated in the middle of the hall, I kept staring at Mrs Hoe with Mrs "DoReMiFaSoh" (the only seat with TWO teachers invigilating), and back at Mr Osgodby.
When Mrs Hoe and Soh wanted a student to examine, no one at my right dared to go as there were two teachers. I looked around, and stood up. I proudly marched to them as any arrogant bitch could carry her legs.
I was so fucking wrong.
I totally regret being such an ass in front of them.
Why did I have to be so stuck-up like some special-streamed student when you KNOW VERY FUCKING WELL, Chua Shu Mei.. that you AREN'T. You're just a secondary 5 NORMAL ACADEMIC student, and suffered one year more in this school in tears.
I BULLSHITTED. I just had to make up a white lie in front of a teacher that is not only the Head of Department in English, but someone who has read widely, and has FAR better vocabulary than I ever will. WHY THE FUCK did I go about mentioning I liked to do research on marine biology and that seahorses were hermaphrodites when I wasn't even fucking sure if that was true?! ARGH.
I felt so fucking stupid I kept shaking my head and muttering swear words under my breath. I walked out, my eyes brimming with tears. As I was the only student "daring" (snobbish, rather) enough to take on Mrs Hoe and Mrs Soh, theirs was the only table at the right side of the hall, while the other teachers were at the front or the left side. I exited by the right side, and walked down the corridor thinking what an idiot I must look like now to Mrs Hoe. She's probably laughing at me and giving me a fucking F for "FAIL, FAGGOT!"
I went home before the rest did since I was really going to fucking cry my eyes out in front of the rest of the class that came out if I stayed any longer. I walked down another corridor to the Staff room, and saw Nick approach. He probably saw me crying, but I hung my head low and looked the other way as he walked passed, like any other student or teacher that might've noticed me.
I felt so embarrassed I wanted to get myself knocked over. I stood in the middle of the street for a while, but seeing that they were going at such a slow speed, it would've only gotten my legs broken instead of being fatal.
I was in a daze until I went home. I saw 1, 2, 3 other shoes apart from the normal fcuk slippers and mum's market shoes. That meant only one thing: Mum was playing Mahjong at home. I quickly wiped off any tears, and opened the door. I greeted my mum and the guests, and shook off Sabbath who greeted me with.. the usual procedure of sniffing my shoes and rubbing herself all over it, crazy cat. I quickly marched past the table they were playing at, burying my face with my hands and my Dan Brown book.
Mummy just HAD to ask the question.
Mum: "So how was your orals?"
Fuck. Just great.
Me: "Uh, don't worry lah," I lied.
Mum: "骗人." (Lies.)
Me: "Really lah, *laughs* why worry?"
I quickly closed my room door and locked it because all I did was choke on my words.. fall on my bed.. and muffle my cries with my pillow.
I am such a total failure.
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 6:55 am
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
These few days.. I just end up in tears suddenly.I don't know why.
I really don't.
Maybe I'm going crazy. Maybe I already am.
I don't have a goal in life anymore.
No more BioMed.
No more MassComm.
No more Ngee Ann.
No more prestigious journalist job.
No more wannabe scientist.
No more future.
Why I think so? Because there's nothing for me to achieve it. I can't get my chem up, nor my maths.. and my English is SHIT compared to the big dogs out there. What can I do? Just sit here, read.. and waste my rotting life away lor.
Jerrold says I'm going to suffer from depression if this keeps up.
Others say I'm not normal and I'm not my "usual, optimistic and smiley self".
I would actually say it is me, but none of you would believe it anyway. Why should I bother to put up with a mask, fake and filled with lies just to make everyone else smile? Not like my sorrow is going to affect anyone. If my cheery-days haven't made any significant impact to anyone, I wouldn't think my smile would.
But I feel that pain in my chest, in my head.. everytime I think. Regardless of happy or sad thoughts.. it just hurts. The more I think, the more it hurts. The more it hurts.. the more the tears.
All of them told me to find a reason.
Like I always did.
Like I always have.
".. and like you always will. =)"
I'm trying, I'm trying..
... but what if I can't find it. What if I don't. What if.. I really really don't know and never ever realise? What then? All these questions ring out.. but no answers are waving in my face anymore. The light has completely vanished from my world. I want to try.. but everything's fading.
My studies. I'm really not what you all think I might be.
My family. She lied to me.
My life
... is practically ruined.
I no longer carry emotion.
I no longer see a need to feed myself.
I no longer see a reason.
I tried to think of one.. but they just cancelled themselves out of my mind.
Everyday is monotonous. I wake, I study, I sleep. Wake, school, sleep. That's all.
What more is there to live for.
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 9:28 pm
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Been really happy these few days, crapping with min and everyone else.Been reading a lot more too. Just bought my 'Angels and Demons' book by Dan Brown, and almost completed my 2nd part of Dave Pelzer's trilogy, 'A Lost Boy'. Must remember to bring the book for Yin, or else I'm fried toasted capsicum.
This year, at least we got some laughs off the gorilla mask 5A has seen for the past 3 years without fail at every April Fools' or Halloween. However.. despite my stating of seeing it like it was a classmate, Jiamin got afraid of it, screamed.. and it wasn't only once, roflmao.
Well, since everytime I do my blogging and my computer restarts itself, I forgot what else I was supposed to blog. Damn it. -_- Anyway, time to go back to my books. Tomorrow's another day.
Oh! And 童话 rocks. ^^v
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 9:01 pm
Sunday, April 03, 2005
The Pope, Father John Paul II, has passed away.I actually figured he really wouldn't last; with his old age and illness expected to leave him in the hands of God.
But imagine all the people in tears. I actually screamed when the radio announced that the Pope had died. Think about it: some people treat him like the personification of divinity, like a link to God. Like a model they look up to. Now he's gone. Perhaps.. he requested and asked the Lord to take him away. He definitely would be safe in the Lord's hands and having served the world for every Christian, he deserves being in Heaven.
Whatever it is, no matter how Christian-ish I might sound right now..
Lord, in whatever you do, keep this faithful and loyal man in your kingdom, where all shall live in eternal life.
Amen.
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 10:39 am
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Woke at 6.30am today. Had to go to some place since it was the chinese period where every descendant has to pray to their ancestors. Well, I would say that Mandai Columbarium and Crematorium is pretty to a certain extent.. but I hate the smoke and fumes. The smell gets my head hurting very bad. =/ Colin and I were running around crazily like "OMGOMG ash on my hair!!". Uhm, you would too if you were me.. try having bits of flying ash in your direction, with the wind blowing in your face. ._.I need to go to Kinokuniya. I need to read books. I need.. to burn all my homework and just read, read, and read. And write notes. Then go back to reading. Life would be so much simpler. Life would be so much easier. Life would be so much..
... *head plops on keyboa-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 12:05 pm
Friday, April 01, 2005
If you can see what time I'm blogging, yep.. I'm actually doing this right before I rush out of my house and to school.Anyway, there was this Workshop yesterday.. and sigh, I still don't think I learnt anything from it, let alone not fall asleep during then. Well, David was what I'd call an enthusiastic instructor.. but okay lah, at least he didn't make me totally fall on the table and start floating off to lala-land.
What else was I supposed to say?
.. Oh yeah.
Mrs Chiu did call my mum, as I dared her to this morning. Ohwell, like I could care less. All the more I won't do my work~ ^.^
Yikes! Time to go off now. =s
OH! And Nasri, take care kay? Get well soon~ o/ We'll miss ya. XD
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 6:47 am