Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Chased out by our beloved math teacher Mrs Chiu.. Out in the corridor on chairs. Had around 6-7 people out too, and we were all in one row, with me in front since I seemed pretty rebellious. Who cares. I seemed pretty pissed with teachers today, like they were just teens like me. I didn't give a shit of how they felt; someone had to tell them punishment is no longer in trend. I can perfectly understand how serious the situation is. I will try my best to get to sec 5, no matter how much everyone says I'll make it I'm still having my doubts. If I really don't make it, I don't even know if nafa or shatec will accept retards like me.C'est la vie.
Then it was recess, and tom chan just stopped me and said something bout degrading my Conduct from 'Very Good' to 'Good'. I just nodded solemnly. I really don't give a fuck about my conduct; I do whatever deems fit at any situation. But someone has to wake tom chan up and let him know I actually appreciate his tormenting nags. I've been thinking about it.. I'd rather let someone who knows us for almost four years than let someone who doesn't appreciate us normal acads for who we are be our form teacher next year. Moreover, as sec fives next year, it's crucial. Probably the most critical part of our lives next year will depend on a teacher who is able to laugh with us, bear with us, crack lame jokes to us, and finally... someone who understands. Believe it or not, tom chan actually does. Just that he's too much at times and you all know that. Whatever you believe, I'm determined to make him stay. They won't appoint a teacher YOU like if tom chan leaves us next year. Definitely not. We aren't the ones that need motivation now; he is. I found that he's turned from the over-enthusiastic fun-loving and optimistic form teacher to someone really pessimistic. Changing his mind might be hard, but I'm serious. If he can't motivate us, no one can.
No one.
I realised too, that I'm just a coward that can't face many things. I cower under the blast of thunder. I can't get scolded without crying. I can't leave without saying goodbye. I can't carry a conversation without stuttering. Why. Of all people I had to be, why a coward. I call others a coward, but I am one too. I can't ever face things alone. I need someone with me. When it's all alone.... it's so dark.
Maybe.. I need to apologise.
Zichun said I looked like a country bumpkin with my new haircut. *laughs* Yeah, probably. But he said that if I was really much quieter instead, I'll look like some really innocent guaikia. I just might do that.. but there are my own limitations. I can't put up with myself.. I don't know if I should just be someone serious and fun-less, or someone to cheer people up with my lame stupidity. It all just seems too much.
Everything just seems so fucked up.
anyhow whacked by gloria @ 4:46 pm